mlev. ABC infirmary. Too Much Halloween for Hoist

[mylittleeek]

Tracks: *just woke up in the infirmary. He's seeing double, but he's pretty sure that there's only one little silver femme sitting on his chest to hold him still as Swoop carefully cleans his optics* *groggily* Oh don't tell me there are only children in the medbay again.

Kia: Nope. Everybody's here. But you're not really hurt, so we get to take care of you while Ratchet 'n the others fix everyone else.

Tracks: *relaxes* Oh. I hate mud slides.

Kia: Hurricanes are yucky period, I think.

Swoop: *as he works so carefully and gently* Me Swoop think that too.

Tracks: *nearly sits up, but is prevented by the youngsters* Raoul! He was outside me when the slide hit!

Swoop: Him sitting over there drawing on own cast. Lay down or me Swoop get knockout tab.

Ratchet: *does not turn from where he's working on someone else* Ah. Tracks. You're awake. Hoist'll be able to take care of the scratches later.

Tracks: Oh bother the scratches. *intakes deeply, but settles down and lets the younglings resume tending his optics* Who's hurt?

Ratchet: Smokescreen, Jazz, Raoul, and yourself. Hoist was dented a bit, but he's helping Gears get the mud out from between his pulleys to spare us from hearing that complaint all afternoon.

Raoul: *cheerfully* Hey, don't forget Sparkplug.

Kia: *without looking toward him* Sparkplug was in Hoist's cab. He's not hurt.

Raoul: True. Hey, you wanna sign my cast?

Kia: Later. Right now I'm busy.

Tracks: *can't hold in a smile at his gregarious human son being snubbed*

Swoop: Me Swoop have all foreign matter cleared from optics, Ratchet. Somebody check and make sure? *looks at the older repair bots, his optics bright and happy*

Hoist: *walks in right then* Gears has been cleaned and sent on his way. Who's my next victim? I mean, patient. *recalls what Swoop had been saying and points in the direction of Tracks* You!

Tracks: *facepalm that makes Swoop squawk with startlement* He's been watching those beastly movies again.

Lancer: *soft chuckle from where she's working with Perceptor on Smokescreen's inert and battered alt mode*

Hoist: *hobbles over to Tracks' table* They're not 'beastly.' They're scientifically illuminating. I've never learned so much science in an hour and a half in all the years I've been alive. *starts to examine Swoop's handiwork* Ah, yessssss. Yesssssss.

Tracks: *apprehensive cross-eyed look* Ratchet...

Kia: o.0 He's scared, Hoist.

Raoul: Aw, man, Tracks. Suck it up. I don't know why I even hang out with you.

Ratchet: *does not seem to have heard* There you go, Jazz. As good as new.

Hoist: *looks up at Kia* Hmm? *also doesn't appear to have heard*

Kia: *so seriously to Hoist* Tracks is scared.

Swoop: *explaining voice* Him did just get hit so hard him went offline. *has noooo idea that Tracks isn't the only bot who would bibble at hyper Hoist*

Hoist: *looks from one youngling to the other* I see. *looks down* Well, there's no reason why he should be. Yet. Swoop has done a fine job cleaning his optics.

Swoop: *wings twitch with relief*

Tracks: *tenses up*

Swoop: Time for oil now?

Kia: *watches all this with a deep frown*

Rumble: *is a muffled swearword from where he's trying to get the mud cake out of the infirmary washrack* *word can't be made out, but the tone can*

Raoul: *watching Hoist and Tracks with far too much amusement*

Hoist: *nods expectantly* Yes, time for the oil. That should do the trick. *turns to the washrack at the swearword* Is your friend all right?

Kia: That's Rumble's word for "I fell down so hard that my brain rattled".

Raoul: *sniggerfitdie*

Swoop: *happy perk* Me Swoop get oil. Where is it?

Hoist: Ah. Well, as long as that means he's all right . . .

Ratchet: *looks over from where he was about to ask for a progress report on the clearing out of Smokescreen when he hears Rumble* *walks down to the washrack to see if Rumble needs a hand*

Hoist: *sees that Ratchet has gone to help Rumble* *turns to the task at hand* In that cabinet by the spark extractor--I mean by the pliers.

Tracks: *very faint groan*

Kia: *frowns at him, and then frowns at the sniggering Raoul*

Swoop: Okay! *strides over carefully and returns with the tube of protective oil* This fix? Or this keep optics clean while self-repair fix?

Hoist: *doesn't seem to have heard the groan* The latter. . . . Assuming all goes well. *takes the tube* Ah, yes. This is it. Thank you, Swoop.

Swoop: Him Tracks self-repair in good order. *nod nod* What me Swoop do now?

Kia: *looks toward excited Rumble explainings and seems to be considering whether she should go help Ratchet with the checking on him, or if she should stay here and continue to sit on Tracks*

Hoist: Could you hold Tracks down? I think Kia should check on Rumble.

Swoop: Okay! Me Swoop do! *gently lifts Kia down and sets her on the feet, and then braces one strong hand against each of Tracks' shoulders*

Tracks: What? Stop! Let me go! *tries to wriggle*

Kia: *pause and worry* He's scared.

Raoul: *fell off his chair*

Hoist: He's just being a wuss. *swats Tracks on the arm* You're scaring the lady.

Tracks: Unhand me! I don't need to be held down!

Raoul: *gets up, still sniggering, and then walks over to herd Kia from the room*

Kia: *frowning over her shoulder with concern all the way*

Hoist: *calmly watches as she's safely herded away, and then he looks down at his victim patient* *shakes his head* Really, Tracks. I would expect you to know about keeping a brave face in front of a lady. For shame, for shame. *manages to open the oil with his one hand* And you do need to be held down if you keep squirming like that.

Tracks: I'm squirming because I'm being held down! Perceptor, Lancer, help me!

Perceptor: *crossly* From what, Tracks? Honestly... Lancer, please hand me that microbrush.

Tracks: Ack!

Hoist: *shakes his head* I think you're a bit confused, Tracks, old boy. You see, I'm trying to help you. This oil is perfectly capable of helping you, but if you keep moving . . . I can't guarantee that I'll put it in the right places. This stuff could kill you, you know. If not handled correctly.

Tracks: Don't touch me, you maniac! *wriggle!*

Swoop: *scoldy sound and presses down harder, though still being careful*

Jazz: *comes online with a soft bibble sound, and then turns her head toward the shouting* *snerk* *soft and staticky* Hoist, you goin' all mad scientist again?

Hoist: *turns to Jazz* Yes, yes, I am.

Ratchet: *comes out right then* Hoist, please let Tracks know you're kidding. It's worrying Kia because she doesn't understand it's a joke that Tracks hasn't grasped yet.

Hoist: Well, I tried to get him to put on a brave face, but he wouldn't! Raoul understood it was a joke.

Tracks: I don't care if it's a joke! I'm in no mood for this nonsense!

Jazz: *wan but very amused grin* Swoop, baby, you better let 'im go.

Swoop: *worried churr* But him run away?

Jazz: Nah. He'll stay put.

Hoist: And even if he did, I'd just wait until he ran out of Cybertonium. *looks down at the blue mech* You've been avoiding me, Tracks.

Tracks: Oh for the love of...! I've been busy! It's called having a life, Hoist! You should look it up!

Swoop: o.0 Burn.

Hoist: Well, tell this "life" that when you're unable to get out of auto mode--or vice versa or even switch in between. Lack of Cybertonium stops for no one. You know that.

Tracks: Ratchet, since when is this... *sees Kia's expression and hesitates on what he was going to say* Why is Hoist in charge of my health?

Ratchet: *seems to have just caught on to what's been talked about* Wait, you never got your Cybertonium booster? Tracks, you know what happens when that happens. No wonder you've been spooked. It's affected your logic circuits. *to Hoist* Have you scanned his processor yet?

Tracks: I'm not spooked! I just don't care for Hoist's idea of humour!

Hoist: No, I wasn't aware he'd need it.

Ratchet: Yeah, he got hit on the head. Not as bad as Jazz did. *which reminds him* *needs to make sure that Jazz is processing okay* *goes to check on her* How are you feeling, Jazz?

Jazz: *grab Ratchet. Smooch Ratchet. Laugh and let go of Ratchet* *in other words, she's fine*

Ratchet: *blushes despite himself* *ahem* Carry on.

Kia: *runs away to hide her giggles*

Jazz: *cheery, though still slightly wan grin as she turns her head to continue watching Tracks and Hoist*

Tracks: I'm not the only one who takes exception to his foolishness!

Ratchet: *over checking on Smokescreen* How's it going, Perceptor?

Perceptor: We could use some help, if you've time. This is going to be ticklish work, as he has soil everywhere. *slight glance over his shoulder* I wouldn't want to be on the table when Hoist's in that mood, either. It's as reassuring as you are after Wheeljack's electrocuted you.

Hoist: *back over with Tracks* Foolishness, nothing! You're the one tempting fate by not getting your booster shot. *seems a bit more grumpy than hyper now* I should just leave you tied up to this table to see what becomes of you.

Tracks: *sees Hoist's new mood and relaxes slightly* How would you like to be tied down while someone cackled and called you a victim?

Hoist: *turns to Swoop* Could you please fetch the ratcheting tie-downs? They're in the drawer next to the sink.

Raoul: You do remember that the last time he got tied down was by Decepticons, right? *back over in his chair out of the way*

Tracks: *no comment. Just made a bolt for the door*

Hoist: *doesn't seem to hear Raoul's comment since he's too busy seeing Tracks' escape attempt* Let him go. He'll be back in here eventually. Hoist's Maintenance Schedule(TM) always wins.

Jazz: *sits up and then leeeaaaans to one side* Gimme th' booster. I'll treat 'im.

Ratchet: I've got the time. *bring out some of his delicate tools* *then is distracted by the dramatics at the table* I'm not sure if I prefer that to when he's grumpy.

Hoist: *to Jazz* No, no. You need to rest. And I wouldn't wager his return to be very long in coming.

Jazz: *hand to her ear, and she grins* How about you fix 'Jack's hand, 'n I go stick Tracks.

Hoist: *seems to raise an unseen optic ridge* Why are you so interested in denying him his just desserts?

Jazz: *pat pat* Like he said, Hoist baby, he ain't the only one you give the creeps sometimes. *glances over her shoulder as Silverbolt and Rosalie bring a cheerfully complaining Wheeljack in*

Hoist: *shakes head and sighs* Don't concern yourself, Jazz. *walks over to where they're bringing in Wheeljack and nods to Silverbolt, realizing that small-talk makes the mech self-conscious sometimes* Well, well, Wheeljack, what happened this time?

Wheeljack: *earlights blink happily as she holds up the sparking stump of a hand* I smashed it! Just BOOM!

Jazz: *looks at Ratchet* What is it with our engineers, anyhow?

Hoist: *shakes his head again* All right, all right. Sit down on that table, and I'll go get you a replacement. *turns to go to the storage room*

Ratchet: *without looking up from where he's helping Perceptor and Lancer with Smokescreen* *confidentially* I think it's part of the breed. *there's a smile in his voice*

Jazz: *soft snerk, and then looks back to Wheeljack with a grin as she hears the female engineer squawk*

Swoop: Me Swoop hold you down so you can't run away too.

Wheeljack: Wait, is Hoist in mad scientist mode?

Swoop: Yup! Him needs victim.

Wheeljack: *laughs and then starts wriggling and yelling for help*

Hoist: *is soon back* Was in mad scientist mode. Some people just can't take a joke.

Wheeljack: *lights show a grin* Awww, Hoist. Some of us like yer jokes. Ouch. *stink eye for her stump, which just did miniature lightning*

Hoist: *despite his facemask, seems to grin back* Thanks, Wheeljack. *pauses a moment and then he holds up the hand he got to replace hers--which just twitched a finger somehow* IT'S ALIVE!

Wheeljack: *full dramatic fake terror* AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

Swoop: *giggle*

Raoul: *ded*

Smokescreen: *very very tiny snerk from his otherwise inert form*

Jazz: *hears that and looks over her shoulder from the engineer show*

Hoist: *considers the hand* *looks back at Wheeljack* Do you want it like this, or should we perform an exorcism on it?

Ratchet: *shakes his head but perks when he thinks he hears Smokescreen* Smokescreen, can ya hear me?

Smokescreen: *tiny click*

Perceptor: My stars, he's awake.

Ratchet: *pats him gently in a spot he is sure won't hurt* Hold on, buddy. We'll get ya back together soon.

Lancer: Do you want painkiller, Smokescreen?

Smokescreen: *clearly, over the sound of Wheeljack yelling* *CLICK!*

Hoist: *SOMEHOW using a party horn to get the evil spirit out of Wheeljack's new hand*

Ratchet: *looks at Lancer* I think that's a yes.

Lancer: *already reaching for the gun, since she can't access the necessary wires for a manual pain override*

Swoop: Out! Out! *bad word* spot!

Wheeljack: *ded* That ain't exorcism, Swoop. That's HAMLET!

Ratchet: *distracted by Swoop's cursing until he realizes the Dinobot was quoting Shakespeare's Macbeth* *well, can't argue with Shakespeare, can you?*

Hoist: MACBETH!!!! BY THE PRICKING OF MY THUMBS, SOMETHING WICKED THIS WAY COMES!!

Skyfire: *ducks his head to look inside* *amusement in his deep and gentle voice* I don't think I'm evil.

Hoist: Nay, but this foul hand is. *waves Wheeljack's replacement hand emphatically*

Ratchet: *senses that Hoist is in character again* Can I help you with something, Skyfire?

Skyfire: *shows the unconscious blue and white bot he's holding* I found Tracks laying in the corridor.

Hoist: Ah hah! *waves his arms dramatically* Lay him on that table there! *uses his right arm to point to his left in a long arc*

Skyfire: *slight smile* Oh, so that's what he was doing out there. *enters the infirmary and gently lays the ailing mech down, then smiles a little more widely at Jazz and blushes slightly*

Hoist: *seems to consider something* Swoop! Give our friend the color of the midnight sky a true sedative and a cover of ratcheting tie-downs. I will be over there shortly. *turns back to the "possessed" hand*

Swoop: *stuck a happy face sticker on the hand while Hoist wasn't looking. Is now striding over to get the sedation gun that Lancer is holding out to him* Me Swoop do do do! :D

Skyfire: *shakes his head, and then turns and strides back out*

Hoist: Le gasp! *has seen the sticker* It appeareth! *whips out a bottle of what looks like cleaning solution* *blows through the party horn three times before dripping the solution on a rag and wiping it off* *a moment later he holds up the intact sticker triumphantly* I have captured it. *he looks at the sticker a moment before placing it into subspace and replacing the rag and cleaning solution* Now, let us replace your hand, shall we?

Wheeljack: AHHHHHHHH! *snigger*

Ratchet: *glances over and sees a lack of Skyfire* *checks to see if Lancer's applied the painkiller yet and if it is working*

Smokescreen: *deep in stasis*

Ratchet: *relieved, but will keep an eye on the mech's vitals as he and the others work*

Hoist: *soon has replaced Wheeljack's hand and throws the old mangled one over his shoulder* There. *looks down at her* You didn't need that, did you?

Wheeljack: *looks at the floor* I think it's tryin' ta crawl off.

Hoist: *suddenly STOMPS on it*

Perceptor: *startles and grumbles at the stomp* Hoist, remember where you're playing.

Ratchet: *also jumps despite himself* *deeeeeeep intake*

Hoist: *seems to blink and looks over* Right. I'll just dispose of this. *reaches down, picks it up by one of the remaining digits, and holds it out in front of him like a piece of trash before walking back into the storage room*

Lancer: *quiet chuckle once he's gone*

Wheeljack: Great, now where'd 'Bolt 'n Rosie go? I gotta get back 'n finish that dike. *hops off the table, all ready to go*

Ratchet: *focusing on getting Smokescreen cleaned out* Probably went with Skyfire. Be careful, Wheeljack.

Wheeljack: I'm always careful. *trucks out of the infirmary, full of energy and ready to take on typhoons*

Hoist: *comes back out of the storage room and sees that Wheeljack is gone* Maybe I should have told her about the second one. Ah well. *shrug* *walks over to Tracks to see how Swoop has progressed* How is our wayward son?

Swoop: *quiet and worried* Him Tracks messed up from getting up.

Hoist: *puts a hand on Swoop's shoulder* He's back now. *brings his scanners online* All right, Tracks, let's see what you did.

Tracks: *deeply in stasis. Managed to shake something loose in his slightly rattled processor when he passed out and fell*

Hoist: *sees that the patient is in stasis* *carefully removes the mech's helmet to see the damage* *considers giving the insensate bot the booster now to prevent his falling apart*

Swoop: *softly* We give him Tracks medicine now so him not need to be scared by funny Hoist?

Hoist: *solemnly as he continues his scanning and looking* Yes, please go get the Cybertonium booster. Do you know where it is?

Swoop: Me Swoop stocked the boosters. *goes to get*

Hoist: *glad to see that the processor rattling had nothing to do with the fact the mech has run low on Cybertonium* *will begin the delicate process of fixing the mech's processor*

Ratchet: *notices the silence* Everything okay over there, Hoist?

Hoist: *absently* It will be.

Swoop: *back with a shot in each hand... and gives one to Hoist!*

Hoist: Ow! *somehow manages not to rip Tracks' processor open* What was that for?

Swoop: You Hoist forget disinfectant shot for keeping stuff from growing in wrong place. *offers the other shot* Here him Tracks' booster.

Hoist: *blinks a moment or two* So I did. *though he was going to do that later, when he wasn't fixing patients* But warn me next time. Or else apply it when I don't have my hands in someone's processor.

Swoop: *blinks, and then squeaks with horror* Him Tracks okay?

Hoist: *quickly puts a hand on Swoop's shoulder before the mech can work himself up anymore* He's fine. War has made me well used to surprises during an operation . . . although I admit I'm not nearly as good as Ratchet is.

Swoop: *deep sigh. And then a curious look for Jazz*

Jazz: *holding out her arm* You better gimme my disinfect, too.

Hoist: *another pat for Swoop* You're still learning. We won't let you mess up too badly. Go on and give Jazz a shot.

Swoop: Me Swoop go get. *and off he goes to the storeroom again*

Hoist: *shakes his head and goes back to fixing Tracks' processor*

Ratchet: Swoop worried again?

Hoist: Yes, but he'll pull through.

Ratchet: Let's hope so. How's Tracks?

Hoist: Almost have his processor fixed and there! *looks over his handiwork before giving the mech the Cybertonium shot* All better. *moves to take off the ratcheting tie-downs before letting up on the sedative, so that he can give the mech final instructions*

Tracks: *blinks wearily as the sedation fails. Hoarsely* Where's Raoul?

Raoul: *him? He's followed Kia back to the washrack to help Rumble with the rest of that mud*

Hoist: *severely resists the temptation to use his "mad scientist" voice* In the washrack with young Kia and Rumble.

Tracks: *rubs his eyes* He's alright? Who else was hurt?

Hoist: The better question is, are you all right?

Tracks: I'm tired. *looks over at Jazz as she yelps cheerfully at the sting of her disinfectant shot* ...Have I had that yet?

Hoist: *as he gets silent confirmation of what he feared* No, but you did just get the Cybertonium shot you've been neglecting to see me for. You also appeared to have forgotten you had already asked who was hurt. You might also want to avoid rubbing your optics. I haven't put on the protective layer yet.

Tracks: *looks up with surprise and concern after jerking his hands away from his face* ...Did I?

Swoop: *sets down a handful of the disinfectant shots*

Hoist: Yes, right before you started freaking out because I was being a mad scientist. *picks up one of the shots* *to Swoop* Who else are these for? And could you bring over the head scanner? Apparently my on-board ones aren't doing the job.

Tracks: *tiredly* Your mad scientist act gives me the creeps at the best of times, Hoist. I can't help it.

Swoop: Shots for everybody else on hurricane mission. *brings the scanner*

Hoist: *doesn't answer as he uses the scanner on Tracks*

Tracks: *is going to be fine. It seems he just wound up corrupting a couple files when he fell over*

Swoop: No oil on eyes.

Ratchet: *looks over as Hoist continues his silence* If you don't see anything on the scan, he probably just lost a few files when he ran away silly.

Hoist: *slow nod* *apparently needed some reassuring himself* Thanks, Ratchet.

Ratchet: *nods back* *back to Smokescreen* Are we done removing the dirt yet?

Hoist: Hmm? *finally has registered Swoop* Oh. Quite right. Now, where did that container go?

Tracks: *mutely holds it up*

Hoist: Ah. Thank you, my dear sir. *looks down* And there's the lid. *picks it up real quick before getting some of the oil out of the tub* Now, this is going to--how shall we say?--Tickle?

Tracks: *blinks and looks at him, then nods* Right. I've had it before.

Hoist: *seems to have learned his lesson about not going all mad scientist on Tracks . . . for the moment* *tries to remember a time when Tracks has gotten his optics oiled before* But not today. . . . Here we go, try not to squirm. *begins to carefully apply the oil*

Tracks: I know. *doesn't squirm. Instead, he falls asleep*

Hoist: *luckily for these bots, their optics don't shutter!* *will keep working*

Ratchet: *wondering where's one of Keg's wishes when they need it*

Perceptor: My stars. He's got mud there too?

Lancer: *sigh*

Ratchet: *thinking there's got to be a better way to do this* *it's not good for the patient to be in pieces for this long*

Tracks: *wakes up with a soft hiss*

Jazz and Swoop: *stop chatting and look over*

Hoist: Eeeaaasy, Tracks. Nothing is going to hurt you.

Tracks: Are you finished yet?

Hoist: Almost. . . . Is something wrong?

Tracks: No. After this I think I need some of Swoop's hug therapy.

Hoist: *nod* I just need to put a little dab heeere. Quick check over, and yes, I believe I am done. No water diving for at least an hour, don't touch your optics for a week, and don't do anything strenuous until the scratches heal.

Tracks: I understand. *and he sounds so pooped*

Hoist: Just one more thing. *quickly administers the disinfectant shot* Now, I won't have to track you down later when you're "busy." *to Swoop* Swoop, please escort Tracks home. I'll go tell Raoul that his friend will be at their quarters. *turns to go and then seems to remember something* Oh, Ratchet. I've been meaning to give you this. *pulls what looks like a light in a jar out of subspace* I found it in the lounge when I came in, and it had your name on it.

Tracks: *as Swoop comes over* I have quarters here?

Swoop: Funny Tracks. You come to bed now. *will pick the tired mech up*

Ratchet: *optics wide when he sees the jar*

Hoist: *looks a bit sheepish as he hands Ratchet the jar* I admit remembering my Dread Pirate Hoist routine was the thing that got me started on my mad scientist routine today. *to Tracks* And so does Ratchet, although he doesn't use them.

Tracks: Oh. *slight grunt as he's picked up*

Jazz: Howsabout me, Hoist? Can I go too?

Hoist: *turns to Jazz as she talks to him* Can you promise not to do anything too crazy?

Jazz: You know that big inner tube I got in my livin' room?

Hoist: Are you saying you're going to be able to stay there for a while? No getting bored?

Ratchet: *opening the jar and taking out the wish* *whispers into it*

Jazz: I'm gonna poke my butt in my tire 'n SLEEP. *and that tire is one thing that will hold her still for hours*

Perceptor and Lancer: *gasp and step away from suddenly red and blue sparkles!*

Hoist: Then I whole-heartedly--*distracted by the sudden gasps* What happened?

Ratchet: *looking exceptionally smug as he subspaces the jar*

Swoop: *stopped to look at the pretty lights on his way out with Tracks* Um. Not fireflies. *doesn't blink as he acquires a Jazz on his back*

Perceptor: They're gone... *exchanges a glance with Lancer, and then looks at Smokescreen* And so is the soil!

Lancer: What? *scans for herself, and can't not give a girlish bounce of delight* It is!

Ratchet: *exchanging tools* Don't just stand there. Let's get him back together.

Hoist: *thinks the thing that happened with Grapple just happened here*

Perceptor: I think I can try to trigger his transform now... *sets to work*

Ratchet: Do it. *puts all of himself into fixing Smokescreen as Hoist sets about informing Raoul about Tracks and distributing the disinfecting shots to the mechs who went to deal with the hurricane*


((co-written with random_xtras))