randomplaces | Lunatic Cafe. Dining room booth. Petey cats and brother.

He watched her a moment, confused by her response, but he tried not to show that. He heard her start to say ‘who’ it was and he finished it hesitantly.

“It’s Pete…for Pete’s mama…”

Sam froze, her eyes widening and snapping up to meet his as her mind blanked in shock. "How...?"

His jaw clenched and he had to wait a moment before talking. “…I don’t know, but….but I remember things…dream about them..” he said softly. “…he said he’d stolen me from a demon…” And by ‘he’ Dean was referring to the other!John from what he’d thought to be his own reality.

Her chest was heaving for air as she shook.

"Who 'he'?" she managed to whisper as her mind screamed.

He swallowed, staring hard at his hands, and mentally berating himself for doing this. I mean…how can you be gone so long, not know who the hell you are, and just expect to be welcomed back?

He didn’t know the answer.

“The man I had thought was my father.” He whispered softly after a few moments.

-Then you're.... You're....-

"Why did I break your nose when I was twelve?" she asked, wincing at the memory.

Dean looked up, blinking, and unconsciously rubbing his nose. “You broke…well..” he started, trailing off as he thought. He’d never had a memory get triggered by just a question, and it didn’t seem to be working very well. After a few minutes.

“Hook.” He said, slightly confused. It was the only thing that had come to mind.

Sam slumped with her head on the table, clutching the kitten like a lifeline as she sobbed nearly hysterically. -God... my brother.... My brother. He... You gave him back.... He's back..... I lost him. My fault....-

And that only served to confuse him more so. Dean quickly moved over to her and wrapped his arms around her shoulders. “Shhhh, Sammy don’t cry…” he whispered, rocking slightly as he felt a lump forming in his own throat. “…please, don’t cry…I’m here now…I’m here, baby sister…”

-I’ve got you, sis.-

She leaned against him, still sobbing with a mixture of joy, guilt, and overwhelming relief. -My brother.-

After several minutes she managed to muster enough control to whisper, "I'm sorry."

Dean just held her still, rubbing her shoulders gently, a few tears slipping down his own face. -The one and only…- he managed to joke.

He shook his head, placing a kiss on the top of her head. “It wasn’t you…you don’t have anything to be sorry for.” he whispered.

"I should have KNOWN that wasn't you. I can see the things. I should have seen it wasn't you." She looked up at him, her face contorted with guilt. "But I didn't. Not till it left and I talked to Sam. I should have known you wouldn't try to make me go back to school and stop hunting with you, even if Cassie left you."

“I know you can, but you can’t see everything all of the time.” He whispered. “The thing that did this was…good. It knew how to get to me, I know that. I don’t know how it did it, but …” he gave a frustrated sigh. “I can’t ….remember. I’m trying, but it won’t come.” He said helplessly.

“Part of me is still tied to that…man.” He started. “The rest is here with you.” He finished. “I don’t know where I belong anymore, and I don’t even know who I am…” -Cassie? Who’s Cassie? I know her name, but…- His mind came up blank when he tried to get a mental image.

"When it's Them I can see them," she said firmly. "Just as clearly as I see you." Then she winced and wished she'd kept her mouth shut. "She's your wife."

"It's still not your fault, just ask our da-…John." He said, recovering quickly. He wasn't ready to face his dad yet. He was still…angry about all of this. But the next thing his baby sister told him had him gaping like a fish.

"I have a wife?"

Sam nodded slowly. "You were separated, but you never divorced."

He nodded, trying to process all of this new information.

"What did she look like?" he asked, eyes pleading and his expression hopeful.

"She's pretty," said Sam, wracking her brains and feeling like she was floundering a bit. -Oi, that's no good, he's going to want more than that.- "About five six, hundred and thirty pounds, average build, curly black hair, brown eyes... uh.... I'll show you."

He gave a lopsided grin at that. “Well, I figured that much.” He teased lightly. But yeah, he did want more than that. So he nodded, waiting for her to show him, or whatever. Out of the blue came a thought.

“She had a sweet smile.”

-Except when she looked like she wanted to slap your head off. But I only saw that happen twice, after you wound up in the hospital.- She closed her eyes and pictured Cassie as she'd seen her last, standing at the window in a hospital room and staring out, her face peaceful as she prayed.

Dean raised an eyebrow at that. “Maybe I’m glad I don’t remember why she wanted to do that…” he said aloud. “How did I end up in the hospital? You weren’t beating up on poor me, were you?” he teased. He blinked, suddenly seeing that image in his own head. It almost felt like he could reach out and touch her.

“Cassie…” he breathed, a soft smile coming to his lips.

"I don't even remember." She shook her head. "Both of us wound up in there too often, not that we ever stayed that long." Then she blinked and inadvertently projected, -The baby must be nearly due. God, help her. Protect them both.-

Dean reeled from that little piece of information he’d caught. He’d barely heard it, but…

“Baby? I... she... we’re having a baby?’ he stammered. -I’m having a kid and I don’t even know who I am…-

"Yeah." Sam winced as she realized he'd heard her thought.

“How... um, how far along is she?” he asked, swallowing. “Is she doing okay? Does she need anything?” He quickly shut up, realizing he was rambling.

"She's due anytime," she repeated aloud, putting a hand on his arm. "But I don't know anything else. Dad only mentioned she was expecting a few days ago, and then I got the due date from his thoughts.

“Can I see-“ he stopped, swallowing. -How are you going to go up to a woman you’re supposed to be married to, and talk to her? Much less take care of her? You don’t even know who she is. Hell, you don’t even know who you are.-

“Is there someone to take care of her?”

"I don't know." She bit her lip, fervently wishing she'd kept her brain shut.

“Is she around here?”

"You really want to see her, don't you?" she asked softly, trying to keep her sheilds up as she remembered the 'grief' of the thing who'd taken his place when Cassie had moved out of the apartment she and Dean were renting. -Oh bleep. What would it have done??-

Dean nodded, swallowing hard. “I do, I just…what if she thinks I’m that…thing?” he asked, not catching anything through her shields.

"She doesn't know about it. I doubt Dad would have told her, and I just phoned her and let her know... let her know when I lost 'you'."

Well, that was at least a partial relief. Then he blinked. “Does she think I’m dead?” he asked her, not that he’d blame Sammy for saying that, but just…yeah.

He remembered being on his cell phone, he was trying to… “Dad? Dad if you’re there, please….please pick up.” Silence. “Come on dad. Will you quit already with the 'I have to not be near them to protect them' chivalrous bullshit?” he said into the receiver. Still nothing. “Your kids need you. I…I need you.” Sound of clatter from somewhere near the hotel room, and a muttered curse from himself.

“Dad, I don’t know what this thing is. It’s…it’s not like anything I’ve fought before,” he said, swallowing hard as another clattering noise joined the first. The sound of a shotgun loading could be heard from Dean’s end of the line. A beat and a breath. “I need your help.” He admitted, before a staticky sound overtook the line

Dean blinked and shook his head, trying to clear it from the memory.

Sam stared at him as she saw the memory and the feelings that accompanied it. "He couldn't get near me because the thing had a lock on him and it could follow him past the guards. But he would have responded to a call like that."

Dean swallowed hard, shaking his head. "That doesn't make it right. Spending some time with your children when they need you is better than nothing at all." he said, voice low and controlled as he tried to reign in his temper. As to their dad responding to a call like that?

"Obviously he didn't." he scoffed, eyes darkening with anger. "And now? Now I'm trying to remember a life that I never even knew I had. Trying to remember a family that I thought wasn't mine." A beat and a breath.

"And trying to remember where I belong here..."he whispered, voice still showing slight bitterness.

She turned to look at her father, seeing the absent look of pain on his face as he sat alone in guySam's booth and stared into his coffee cup, then turned her eyes back to Dean. "You belong here. With your family." A dream from the night before suddenly rose vividly before her mind. "With your son...."

His brows knitted together in frustration at her words. “It wouldn’t have here.” He said, anger slowly coming up to the surface.

“He knew it, and asked me to stay with you when he should’ve been the one to stay.” He growled. Dean followed her gaze, then quickly looked away, his hands clenching into fists.

“I belong here?” he asked, sarcasm slipping into his voice. “With a family I don’t even remember, and a life I’m not sure I know how to lead?” he sneered.

“I don’t know what’s real and what’s not!” he snapped, a bit harsher than he intended. “I’ve got these…these memories from my old life with him….and…” he took a breath, trying to keep his voice down. “And then I’ve got memories of the two of you!” he said exasperatedly. “I don’t…I can’t tell what’s real and what’s not…” he said, clenched fists shaking.

“I don’t know what’s worse.” He started, voice bitter. “Having a dad who will blatantly tell me he doesn’t give a damn, or having one who’s not there when you need him to be.”

"Dean he couldn't be near me. Even with all the things I still have problems with him about I understand that." Sam's voice was shaky. "And he wouldn't have stayed away if he'd have gotten that call. Have you ever seen him stay away when you needed him in the time since you'd met him again?"

It felt weird to be defending her dad. That had always been Dean's job while she'd been the accuser or the one arguing with him.

Dean's jaw clenched at her first bit, about understanding why he would do that. "You keep saying that he wouldn't have stayed away, but he DID Sammy. He didn't come to the rescue; he didn't even give me a call back. He ran away just like he always does with his twisted sense of chivalry!" He practically yelled.

Now he's quite sure everyone in the Cafe is staring at them. Possibly even their father, but he's not caring at the moment.

He knows he shouldn't be yelling like this. Shouldn't be getting excited like this, cause it'll agitate his condition, but he's pretty much beyond caring right now. "No, after he met me again he didn't stay away." he whispered harshly. "Probably because he'd felt like he'd failed one son, and by helping me he was making up for the fact that HE WASN'T !@#$%^& THERE!!!" he yelled, pulling in a shaky breath.

"Stop it!" Her voice shocked him to silence as her dark eyes flashed at him. "You don't know if he called back or not. You weren't there by then."

She took a deep breath, feeling the Spirit moving in her hands and her heart. -Give him peace, Lord. Help us understand this. Please....-

He went to say something back, but that look in her eyes told him that definitely wasn’t a good idea. He took a shaky breath, voice quivering with unspent emotions, mainly pain and anger. “You’re right Sammy. “ he started, wiping the back of his hand across his face as he felt the warmth of blood there once again. “I wasn’t there. I was too busy being taken away by a demon, and then being dragged away from that thing, only to be dragged into another reality.” He whispered, eyes cold. “To only know my name is Dean Winchester, my father is John Winchester, and my mother died when I was little. She was killed by a demon.” He spat out.

“Then I live there for who knows how long, under the impression that the John that I’m with is my dad, and he’s never given a damn about me, and only blamed me for everything. To know that there’s no one out there that cares about you. That if you put it to yourself right there in front of them…they wouldn’t even blink.” He gave a bitter laugh. “Hell, they might even help.” Dean wiped more blood off of his face, wincing as a headache started to set in. He went to get up, feeling more and more like he was ruining this every step of the way, and he probably was.

“You can defend him, Sammy. You can be forgiving for the both of us.” He started, stumbling a bit as he stood, and headed out the door. “Cause I don’t know how to…” he whispered, his back to her as he pushed the door open to leave. His cell phone was on the table, and he sent her one last thought message before he walked out.

-See for yourself if you don’t believe me.- he whispered through to her.

"Dean, @#$&@ it, stop!" She strode after him, then stopped short as she wound up on the beach near the B'nB. "Arghh!"

As soon as he stepped out the door, he found himself in the parking lot of the truck stop/motel he’d been at with Rob. Back in the cold. Without a jacket.

And having an episode.

“Oh no…” he muttered, seeing the world spin and then the blacktop coming up to meet him.